To Save A Life
by ShatterTheHeavens
Summary: Sometimes life is scary. Often to the point when lives could be put on the line. Depression is dangerous, especially when you lose something precious. Never let go. Never leave them behind. (Warning: language and trigger situations)


Life is scary. Many things happen that we wish never would, but still do. Like moving to a new city, state, or even a new country all together. That's what it was like for me. After losing my family, I moved to a different country to try and get away from the pain of staying. It terrified me. Almost as much as seeing their bodies laying on the ground, covered in blood.

The first few weeks were slow. Moving everything into my new apartment. My aunt had accepted my decision and offered to buy me my own apartment. She signed her name as my Guardian, since I was still underage to live on my own. It seemed like laws here in Karakura Town were slightly different than in America. Similar, but different at the same time.

Things were extremely quiet, except for the nights when I would cry myself to sleep. When school came around, I had mostly kept to myself. Not many students bothered with me. That was fine. I hadn't minded. Eventually I met this group of people. They were kind. A bit strange, though, but they treated me well.

"What's up, Yankee?"

"Welcome to Karakura High School!"

There were two girls: One with dark-brown, almost black hair and dark eyes. The other was a ginger with tawny eyes. The first one was outspoken and honest. I was a bit intimidated by her, but I warmed up to her after a few minutes. Tatsuki, her name was. It fitted her. She introduced me to her friend, Orihime. A bit on the ditsy-side, but I could tell that she had a wonderful personality.

"Not much of a talker, are you?"

"You're eyes are as beautiful as the trees in Spring."

"Never mind him. He always hits on all the girls."

The boys on the other hand were a different story: Chad was tall, well over 6-feet with tan skin and brown hair. He was the quiet one in the group. Uryu was slightly shorter and had black hair, wore a pair of glasses, and quite knowledgeable. And then there were the two dorks: Keigo and Mizuiro. Not much to say except for the facts that Keigo tried hitting on me, and Mizuiro apologizing for Keigo's behavior and was quite sweet.

"So you're from America, huh? Don't seem much like the violent type as they'd say."

Finally, there was the boy with strawberry-blonde hair and mahogany eyes. He had stood out to me the most out of everyone, not simply because of his hair. Despite having a scowl on his face and acting like he didn't care about me being a transfer student, he was kind and welcomed me to the school. Just by looking into his eyes, I saw that he cared deeply for those around him. Willing to go the extra mile to protect his loved ones. His name, Kurosaki Ichigo.

It was some time later that I had found out that Ichigo was a substitute Shinigami, who was protecting Karakura Town from spirits called Hollows and sending departed souls to the afterlife. It was an accident that was going to happen eventually. I just hadn't excepted it to happen with me coming within an inch of death itself and later waking up in Kisuke Urahara's and Yoruichi Shihoin's place. They were concerned at first but allowed me to go free on the account that I kept the incident a secret and to "stay out of the way."

My life seemed to be getting back on its feet over the next two months, until "It" happened. The Winter War. The Shinigami were at war with several traitors who were jeapordizing the lives of Karakura and possibly the world itself. Ichigo and his Shinigami friends won, with quite a few casualties.

It wasn't just lives that were lost. Ichigo had lost his powers in exchange of saving everyone's lives. It hurt seeing him say good-bye to his friends from the other side. Even being friends with him for only a few months, it still broke my heart.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm happy that I gave them up. As long as everyone's safe."

Everything seemed fine at first. Things quieted down, thankfully. However, as time went on, changes were being made. And more obvious than not. Ichigo's friends had slowly began shying him away. He'd try to make a conversation and get information on how things were in the Soul Society, but the topic was immediately shot down. They soon began avoiding him. Quieting themselves whenever he'd walk by.

"What the hell is going here?"

"Why aren't you guys talking with him? He needs us."

If things couldn't get worse, they did. Far worse. Ichigo told me that he had never felt so lonely.

"Why aren't they talking to me?"

"I don't know. I'll try talking some sense into them. Maybe they're just giving you some-"

"DAMMIT, BRITT! THEY WON"T EVEN LOOK AT ME IN THE EYE!"

I had told Isshin what was going on, and he said that he was afraid that this was going to happen. At least Ichigo's family is still here for him. Family always sticks together.

"He still has us. Karin and Yuzu will be starting High School soon, but we're all here for each other."

They invited me to their house for dinner occassionally. Ichigo and I would work together with our homework almost every night. Despite Ichigo's friends having pretty much abandonned him, he still has me and his family. But we both soon learned something. That you can't make promises that you won't keep.

"Why?"

Karin's spiritual powers had slowly been awakening after Ichigo lost his. Isshin began taking her to Urahara's for training. They were planning on having her become the new Substitute Shinigami. At first, it was no big deal. They still had dinner with Yuzu, Ichigo, and sometimes myself. But slowly after a few weeks, they began skipping out on dinner. Karin would get off of school, and Isshin would pick her up and take her to Urahara's. They'd stay there for hours on end, often not coming home till 9pm or later.

"I'm so sorry, Ichi-nii. I got a part-time job to babysit Mrs. Okinawa's baby girl. It's only for a few hours. I'll still be making dinner when I get back."

"It's alright, Yuzu. I don't mind. Britt said that she'll still be here to keep me company."

"Still. I'm sorry."

Yuzu still kept to her word and went back home after 6. So Ichigo wasn't lonely all the time. I too kept to my word. I would stay and spend time with him until Yuzu returned. Sometimes, I would have to leave early since I had to keep in contact with my aunt. He understood, and I texted him when I got home. But something was nagging at the back of my head. I did not like it one bit.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"...Yeah."

Ichigo began showing up at school with a few bandages on his arms. Everyone thought he was getting into fights with other people like he did in the past. But one thing was for certain, the bandages were always on his wrists. Sometimes the bandages would stay on for days, occasionally being swapped with wrist bands. I hated the feeling that I was getting in my stomach.

"What the fucking hell is with you guys?! Why won't you talk to him?! It's been months. MONTHS!"

"We're only protecting him. The Head Captain said-"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT THE HEAD CAPTAIN SAID! HE WAS YOUR FRIEND AND YOU'VE JUST LEFT HIM TO THE WOLVES!"

I was pissed. Beyond pissed. Normally, I was calm and collected. But this was getting way out of hand. I found out on accident. Ichigo had given me a spare key to his house for when I'd come over. I had found him sitting on his bed, with a knife covered slightly with fresh blood. There were three cuts on his right wrist. I had gotten the cuts sterilized and covered. I had never felt so terrified as I did seeing them.

"I couldn't help it. It doesn't hurt that bad. My dad is a doctor, so I know how deep is to deep."

"It doesn't matter how deep you know it is! Are you trying to kill yourself?"

My eyes stung from the tears. My heart had never felt so heavy. It hurt so much. I was scared. Not for myself, but for Ichigo. I told him that he shouldn't be doing this. Ichigo told me that he'd stop if I didn't tell anyone...But he didn't stop. And I didn't know. I should've known better.

It was July 15th. Ichigo's birthday. I had spoken with the whole family about a party, albit small. Isshin said that he'd talk with Urahara about cancelling Karin's training that day. I was going to bake the cake, and Yuzu was going to make dinner ahead of time since she still had her part-time job. The party was going to be at 6 when Yuzu got home, and we were going to try and make things right. Just to let Ichigo know that he was still loved by his dad and sisters.

"Don't go making promises that you can't keep."

I had gotten to the house at around 5 with the cake. It was a simple cheesecake. Nobody answered when I knocked on the door. I just figured that Ichigo was sleeping, and Isshin was doing last minute shopping with Karin for the presents. But when I got inside, things were quiet. Too quiet. That nagging feeling I was getting when Ichigo began cutting himself was coming back. Stronger and worse than ever before.

"Hey, Ichigo! I'm home! Where are ya?"

I went upstairs and checked his room. It was empty. I looked towards the bathroom when I saw that the light was on. I was going to walk away, thinking that he was taking a shower or something. That was when I noticed something off. The door was slightly ajar, and I saw something laying on the floor. Normally, I wouldn't intrude when the bathroom light was on but I still walked forward.

"Ichigo?"

I opened the door and nearly screamed. It felt like everything stopped as I looked towards the back wall. Ichigo was leaning against the wall, wearing only a towel around his waist. But that wasn't what made me scream. I lunged at Ichigo, nearly slipping on the blood that covered the floor. On instinct, I immediately checked his pulse. It took a few throbbing seconds before I felt a faint pulse. Faint, but still there.

"Oh god, Ichigo."

I took off my shirt and held it to the gashes on his right arm. I managed to call Uryu's father, even through the sobbing. He made out what I was saying and said that he'll send for an emergency immediately. At least, I could count on him.

"There's so much b-blood."

"I'm on my way there right now. Just keep pressure on his arm. Don't let up. I'm almost there."

I talked to Ichigo, telling him to stay with me. I didn't know if he could hear me. His eyes were closed. My whole head throbbed, slowly I couldn't even understand what I was saying when I began seeing haze. Everything was getting blurry for me. All I could focus on was Ichigo's face, hoping that this was only a nightmare. That this was all only a nightmare.

It took the ambulance almost 15-20 minutes to get here. Ryuuken had pulled me up and carried me to his car. I struggled against him, wanting to stay beside Ichigo during the ride to the hospital. Ryuuken told me that there wasn't enough room in the vehicle with the paramedics trying to stop the blood that was still flowing from Ichigo's wounds. He asked me if Ichigo was cutting himself. That was when I finally cracked.

"I saw him cutting himself a few weeks ago. He told me that he would stop."

"Brittany, when it comes to someone cutting themselves, you should never believe them. You should've told Isshin about this. Where is he?"

"I DON'T KNOW! ...I don't know."

Anger began bubbling inside when I came to conclusion that I knew where Isshin and Karin were. Yuzu was out of the picture because she told me that she was working till 6pm. But the other two. They should have been at the house.

"No...I know exactly where they are."

I was in the waiting room for half an hour. I called Yuzu and told her what happened. I didn't need to hear the scream to know what she was thinking. Isshin didn't answer his cellphone though.

"We managed to stop the bleeding. He lost a lot of blood though, so we'll have to give him several blood transfusions. The gashes were so deep that the Radial and Ulnar arteries were opened."

Thank god! I sighed in relief. The fear was still there, but at least I knew that Ichigo was going to be alright. Ryuuken allowed me to go to Ichigo's room. Ichigo never looked so pale. His breath was shallow but he was breathing easier than before. I felt how cold his skin was when I gently took his hand into my own. I had to sit down from how badly I was shaking. Is this what it feels like? To have my heart shatter into millions of pieces, and to have someone pull them out one-by-one? One-by-one?

"I got a hold of Urahara and talked with Isshin. They're on their way."

"...I don't care. I don't care anymore."

Yuzu arrived first. She balled when she saw her brother laying on the hospital bed. His left arm covered with thick bandages. I held her while we waited for Isshin and Karin to arrive. When they did, I felt immense anger bubble within me as I laid my eyes on them. Namely on Isshin.

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!"

"Brittany, please watch your language. We are in the hospital."

Ryuuken held my shoulder during my outburst. He warned me to be careful since he didn't want to kick me out. Karin had ran past me to Ichigo's side. The two sisters held each other as I confronted the father.

"You should've been there! You said that you were going to stay home with Ichigo for his birthday! Why were you and Karin at Urahara's?!"

It was taking every ounce of willpower to not beat the crap out of the older adult. I knew that it would end me up in jail, if I did.

"Where were you when he needed you? If I had gotten there a moment too late-"

I stormed out. While Isshin, Karin and Yuzu were in Ichigo's room, I sat down on the bench outside the hospital and finally let go. The scream caused a few people to look my way, but they never walked closer to me. I stayed there until the tears finally stopped, and I had the courage to go back inside to sit by Ichigo. He was so close. So close. I eventually had to go back to my apartment. Ryuuken had called Uryu over to take me home, after explaining what happened. He looked almost as heartbroken as I was. He was angry with himself at what happened since 'that day'.

Ichigo woke up the next day. I was right there with him, as were his dad and sisters. _Why did you do it? Were you really trying to kill yourself?_ He looked at me, and I saw the pain in his eyes. I held him close as we both cried. Me, for almost losing him, and him for the fear of almost dying.

"I thought I lost you. I already lost my family. I don't know what I would've done if I lost another person I love."

Several days later, Ryuuken let Ichigo out of the hospital on the account that he'd go see a therapist. Isshin had apologized multiple times. Calling himself to blame for everything. That he was his father and that he wasn't there when he should've been. As angry as I was at Isshin, I saw that he was generally afraid of how close he was to losing his only son. It was a lesson learned, even if it was harsh on the soul.

Isshin called the school and told them that Ichigo had gotten in an accident and won't be attending school for a bit. I still had to go after taking a few days off.

"Where is Ichigo? Is he alright?"

"Brittany-chan?"

I looked at them and glared. I was too tired to yell at them. Too tired from not sleeping. There was only that dull, throbbing ache.

"...So now you are worried? After 5 months, you now ask how Ichigo is doing? He was in the hospital. He had hurt himself because you people weren't there for him. Where were you when he needed you? Where were you guys when he was breaking apart from the inside? You did nothing to help. All you did was push him away."

It served them right to feel so hurt and guilty of what they did. _If they want to make it up to him, let them try. It'll take a lot for them to regain Ichigo's trust in them._

"Yeah. I should've told someone from the very beginning. So in a way, it's my fault that Ichigo ended up like this. It's just as much my fault as it is their's."

Ichigo eventually recovered from the near-death incident. He still had to be monitored, and he didn't like it. Isshin had to personally take him to the therapist that Ryuuken told them to go to. The whole family had to attend as well, myself included. It was so scary the whole time. Ichigo would hold my hand because he would tremble so much from the pressure. Not that I minded.

"I told you, didn't I? I'll always be here for you no matter what. Through thick and thin. We'll make it through this. I'm never going to leave you."

It had been a year since that day. Ichigo had turned 17 three months ago. He's doing much better now. The others finally managed to regain his trust. There was still the awkwardness and slight anger, but it couldn't be helpled. Ichigo and I had gotten also closer during those months. We almost never left each other's company, except for when I'd have to go home to my apartment. Ichigo would sleep over at my place every so often. Isshin trusted me enough to allow his son to stay over. Said that if it wasn't for me, then Ichigo would have been dead.

"I still should have told you. Somebody. Anybody! I should've opened my mouth. Then, he wouldn't have ended up in the hospital to begin with."

"Still. You saved him. When no one else was there."

The wounds healed by the time Summer was beginning to end. They were now scars. Scars that Ichigo would have for years to come. He was conscious about them at first, but eventually kept the bandages off. Isshin would even check up on him before and after school, and before he would go to bed. Ichigo told me that his dad was acting like an "overprotective parent" who wouldn't stop bugging him.

"I SWEAR! He keeps bugging me every waking hour of day! Do you know how many times I've caught him peeking into my room in the middle of the night!"

"You can't blame him, Ichigo. If anything, it's a good thing. He's acting like how any parent would. he loves."

"Yeah, well...can't he just lay off a bit?"

"Heh. Sadly I can't do anything about that."

It was Fall. Ichigo had gotten back on his feet. There was still that sense of loneliness and sadness in his eyes. He was still healing. It was still going to take time. But do you want to know what happened? A miracle happened.

"This is it. I'm done with this. I'm coming back."

At first, when Ichigo began disappearing after school, I was beginning to worry again. _I hope he isn't getting himself into trouble again_. Turns out, he met up with a group of strange people. I forgot what they called themselves. Xcution, or something like that. Ichigo said that they had special powers that they called Fullbringer. The leader, Ginjo, had helped Ichigo get his powers back. To an extent, but there was a betrayal. When it seemed like the end, the Shinigami from the Soul Society arrived. Ichigo had gotten his powers back.

"You're a Shinigami again."

"Yeah, I am."

"That's great. I'm so happy for you, Ichigo."

"...Britt. Thank you. For everything. You've done more for me than anything. You saved me."

"Ichigo?"

"Now it's my time to repay you. Let me protect you."

I'm sorry for not writing anymore stories for the past 4 years. Life had been really difficult for me. I may have left reviews here and there, but none of my stories had been updated. My best friend had lost his grandmother to cancer, and later his grandfather to Alzheimer's. His parents later died in a car accident. None of his friends talked to him at college except for me. He had went into depression and began to cut himself. I didn't tell anyone, myself, because I thought that he was strong enough to not take things too far. I had found him in the same position as how Ichigo was found in this story. Sad thing was that I was too late for my friend. He had died on the way to the hospital from the blood loss. I still regret to this day on what happened. I still ask myself why I didn't tell anyone when he still had the chance to be saved. The lesson here is that people all around us suffer from depression. Whether its minor or major, it is still there. The point is that for the friends and family who have loved ones suffering: you have to be there for them no matter what. Even if they say that they are fine and that they won't do anything stupid, don't believe them. If you see them cutting themselves, tell someone immediately. There may be anger directed towards you afterwards, but think about it. Would you rather have them live and be angry at you for telling? Or would you risk the possibility of losing them to suicide?


End file.
